I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
