you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
