i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
