I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
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