Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We are all done wearing pants today
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
