Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
