if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
