i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
