Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
