Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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