Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
