no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
