omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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