no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
