I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
