So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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