lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
