I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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