they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
