im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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