What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
