if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
