I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
