the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
