so that wasnt chicken after all
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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