I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize