i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
