We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
