We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
