Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
