I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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