I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She's the barista slut.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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