i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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