I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
