fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
