Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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