he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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