I think my fart just growled at me.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
