I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
