What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
