He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
