okay pat passed out under dana's car
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
