the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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