glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
