we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
