I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
