Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize