Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
