I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
