My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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