matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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