I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize