I just made out with a guy for $7.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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