The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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