I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
