I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
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