just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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