So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
