Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
