Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You can't just leave with hair like that
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
