So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
