It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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