Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
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