white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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