just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
