He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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