I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
