Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
