i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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