4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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