So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
